I'll tell you, here's the Truth [Tag :: Teddy]

[tonks]

Nymphadora arose from her fitful sleep with a start. The dreams of Teddy running from her in tears, shouting that his grandomther was a better mother - that Tonks had abandoned him - had run around her head for the past three weeks. However, that night, they had been worse than ever. Why? Because she had decided that today she would face her fears and tell him she was alive; tell him that she had lied to him. That would be the hardest part. However, no matter how hard she tried, she knew he would not be the only one finding out she was alive today. No way. There was so much attraction to the town that even if it was on the outskirts, someone would see her bright pink hair.

No, today, the whole Wizarding World would find out that Bellatrix had lied. Bellatrix had firmly upheld that Remus and herself had died in the walls of Azkaban, and Tonks had never really thought about disproving that. It was safer that no-one knew she was alive, for her and her family, but she had written to Teddy under the guise of "Dora", her father's old nickname for her. "Dora" had found out that Teddy was a mistrusting young man; and she had found out from her cousin Ella, that he was often the one getting bullied by the students and teachers of Hogwarts. And she was certain that the fact Tonks was "dead" was one of the things they used.

Tonks threw on a similar outfit to the one she had worn when she had first met Teddy - a white shirt with jeans - except that this time she wore her old Auror's coat. She hadn't worn it since she returned from Azkaban and it felt strange to have it on again. She looked - apart from her hair - like the old Tonks. She chose to go as Dora, with the auburn hair. She knew that she [as Dora] had told Teddy that she would not be there. However, that was the point. Dora had never been there, it had always been Nymphadora. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves, and then apparated with a "pop!"

She stood in Hogsmeade and collected herself together. She didn't know when Teddy would arrive, but she knew he would recognise her - as Dora, at least. She slowly walked down to the outskirts, near the cave where she had first got to know Ella. She turned an sat on a rock. She could see the whole town now - and the whole town could see her.

[beethoven]

teddy didn't really want to be here.
he didn't like being told what to do. but, alas, he was here.

the streets were littered with objects and papers and pieces of garbage that had been previously walked over by a horse or a shoe or rolled over by a wheel or chewed on by a stray animal, but it seemed more vacant to teddy than diagon alley was. the number of people had almost dramatically decreased, but maybe he was just being dumb and not looking around as much as he did in diagon alley. no, that was probably it. teddy's mind was more torn on who the heck dora wanted him to meet and why he had even agreed to come and see what she was talking about. his stomach growled, having missed lunch, but he ignored it as he kicked a loose rock from the concrete sidewalk.
it rolled and bounced, and teddy's black eyes followed it to where it stopped, and then as his feet carried him to it, he kicked it again.

feeling watched, teddy looked up and looked around at the shops that surrounded him. no one seemed to mind the kid with teal hair here, so teddy shrugged off the feeling, turning his head slightly, until he noticed, standing right underneath the sun, dora.
she said she wasn't going to be here.

"i thought you said you weren't going to be here," he started, his voice low, slightly angry. she had lied to him, after the letters saying to trust him and that she cared, she lies? what kind of person is she?
teddy swallowed and stuffed his hands into his pockets, the long sleeved, white shirt folded up above his wrists where the jeans met. the rest of it was connected to a black t-shirt, he looked like he was almost trying to fit in among all the coolly-dressed people in his school, but really, he just threw it on.
he stood up straight and looked around, orange optics squinted as the sunlight shined on his face. "where's the other one?"
by the other one, he meant the person he was going to meet.
this should be interesting.

[tonks]

Tonks watched her son appear and waited for him to ask why she was there. Sure enough, a low, angry voice did indeed ask her that question. "I know I did. And I wasn't planning on turning up like this. However, I thought I ought to. I hope you won't be too angry when I've told you what I need to tell you." She sounded calm and quiet. Her heart was doing 100 miles an hour, but she wasn't going to let Teddy see that. As he asked about the "other" one, Tonks' lips thinned. She sighed and looked to the ground. "I...I am the other one." She said after a moment. "What I mean is," she said quickly, "is that I can change my appearance - just like I know you can." She leant against the rock behind her and looked out over the countryside.

"I've been in Azkaban for the past ten years." She said finally, turning back to him. "And I need you to understand something. I'm not Dora. That was my father's nickname for me. Dora doesn't exist." Her voice had a tone of confession, of guilt and of sadness. "This isn't me, Teddy. I'm a metamorphmagus, and as far as I know, there is only one family in the UK with that ability."

She inhaled and passed him a photo. It was the first and only photo of Teddy, Tonks and Lupin together as a family. As she did this, she closed her eyes and her hair suddenly shortened. It was down to shoulder-length, and messy. But weirdest of all...it was changing colour. It was going from brown, to black, to blue...to bright, bubblegum pink.

She inhaled again and then opened her eyes, that were full of tears she was just holding on to. She was an exact copy of the woman in the photo - albeit slightly older. She had finally shown her true self - the one that the purebloods had said was dead, that she had kept hidden from the world.

She looked at her son with remorseful eyes, and said just one word. One pleading word.

"Teddy...?"

[beethoven]

teddy moved the weight from one of his legs to his other, his hands still tight in his pockets. his eyebrows were pulled together with disbelief and irritation as dora's words entered the chilled air around him. he stared at her face, even when she looked away from him, but his eyes turned a lifeless shade of black. the only movement he made was the blinking of his eyes and the sudden twitches that escaped from his arms. teddy's mind was blank, his seemed to have quiet too, as if it was listening just as intently as teddy was. his legs were stuck to the ground, but they were shaking. shaking with what? teddy didn't know, he didn't want to know, the only question that threatened to come out of his throat in a strangled yell was
why.

only as "dora" took a photograph out of her coat did teddy find his legs loosened from the dirt chains that had formed around his shoes. he took one step and reached his hand out to grab it, his emotional face lit with the sunlight that hovered behind his mother, but his eyes seemed untouched by it, like a obsidian stone, they were cold and unfeeling.
his hand snatched the photograph out of her hand, but he held it gently like it was a piece of glass or a caterpillar on his finger. his onyx optics darted with pain around the photograph, looking at the faces and the smiling, proud, loving parents that held the little boy with the teal hair. teddy didn't want to believe that was him, because the boy looked like he was smiling.
teddy's eyebrows flattened against the arch of his eye, and he looked up at his mother, who looked more like she did in the picture, only her mouth was curved into a soft frown, and water spilled from her eyes. teddy's expression didn't change.
if anything, it became colder.


he glanced down at the picture, back up at the woman before him, and let the picture fall from his fingers into the grass.
he turned and walked away.

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

i'm dead on the surface
but i'm screaming underneath

[tonks]

Tonks saw Teddy snatch the photo as if it was in a movie. It felt like she was in a dream - she wasn't truly there. She saw him look at her with cold, unfeeling eyes, and her throat tightened, her mouth dry. Her heart felt as if it had broken in two. She didn't blame him. She really didn't - she couldn't fathom how badly it must have hurt to not have her there...and then have her return.

As he dropped the photo to the ground, and turned from her, she held a hand over her mouth and the tears fell. She was crying, more than she had ever done before. She tried to breathe deeply, but her body wouldn't allow it. It was as if her own body had turned against her; wanted her to feel the pain that she had caused her son. Her tears fell thick and fast on to the photo below her, the miniature Teddy, Remus and herself hiding themselves from the huge teardrops. She stooped to pick it up and then looked out at her son's retreating back.

"T...Teddy..." She said, as loudly as her voice would let her, it faltering as she spoke. "P..please. Please let me talk t...to you. I..."she took a shaky breath, and then continued. "I...I'm so...so sorry. I...I wanted to tell you before but..." she sighed as his back got further away from her. She let herself drop to the ground. She had expected something like this - her worst nightmare had come true - but she couldn't handle the cold look in her son's eyes...in fact, she'd have preferred for him to shout and scream and tell her that her mother made a better mother than she did. At least he'd have spoken to her. The fact he had ignored her and looked at her with such unfeeling...it was worse than death. In fact, she almost wished Bellatrix had killed her. At least she wouldn't have had to go through this.

Her tears unrelenting, she sat there, her hands over her face, only moving so she could get a glimpse of her son. Leaving her.

As she sat there, the only words she could muster in no more than a whisper escaped her time and time again.

"I'm sorry, Teddy. I'm so sorry."

[beethoven]

teddy could hear her crying behind him, but he didn't respond to it. his jet eyes were on his shoes, the mixing of the crumpled sobs of his mother and the shushing sounds of the grass as he walked through the blades, his feet dragging along the dirt. on his face there was nothing, no emotions, no recognition that the woman crying behind him was his mother, that the person he thought he knew and was getting to know was someone who stayed out of contact with the boy for ten whole years when she was perfectly capable of sending him at least a letter, telling him that she was alive.
but there was nothing. he gritted his teeth as she started to speak, even her helpless, strangled sobs were lightly tapping his shoulders and asking for forgiveness. they made his stomach clench in pain, he could feel his heart race against his ribcage, but with what? certainly he wasn't feeling love for the girl who had basically ignored him all of his life and left him to live with her own mother while she hid from all of the world. teddy admitted he could understand why she didn't send him letters, but every now and then andromeda would read a letter with tears in her eyes, but this was what, once a month maximum?
but why weren't they sent to him?

teddy stopped when she heard her knees clash with the grass and he swallowed, but the quiet, sorrow filled tone of "I...I wanted to tell you before but..." rang through his ears, and he gritted his teeth, thrusting his hands out of his pockets that were now balled into fists like he was going to hit her.
but of course he wasn't. he would never, not in a million years. there was just so much he had held back it seemed to have exploded from his throat and whipped tonks to the ground.
"but?" he flung his body around to face her, taking one step forward as his crimson eyes flared with sudden rage, "but what? what in the entire world could have stopped you from telling me who you were right away? why didn't you send me those letters? huh? why couldn't i, of all people..." he paused, looking away from her to around him in almost blind fury, his mouth losing track of what he said before so it looked like he was looking around him for more things to yell at her.of course, he found nothing, but his tongue gripped splatters of the remains of his anger, "just...you can't..."
he paused, forcing out a quick intake of breath. his red eyes were focused on the floor, eyebrows low as his fingers quickly flew into his hair, separating the strands between his fingers. teddy, oblivious and frustrated, didn't realize that when he slipped his hand in his hair, he turned it dark black out of anger.

he sighed as his crimson eyes located the picture in the grass. his eyebrows still low, looking furious, teddy looked up to nymphadora as she apologized.
he swallowed again, irritated immediately as he felt the coolness of tears in his burning eyes. the salt of them ran down his cheeks, and he wiped them off his face quickly and harshly before he mumbled,
"keep your apology," and then turned, again, to walk away.

[tonks]

Tonks heard his rage, and she looked up at him, her tears refusing to stop. "What could have stopped me from writing to you was fear, okay? Fear. Fear that if I was around, they'd hunt me down - and I was frightened that they'd hurt you. And I don't mean things like at school. I mean killing you. I couldn't let that happen. I knew," she said, trying to calm her breathing down, "that I couldn't return to you, but when I met you in that street...I..." She looked at the ground again, a teardrop falling to the ground from the tip of her nose, "I knew the stories the purebloods passed around. I knew they said I was dead. I..."she inhaled and then exhaled shakily. "I...I didn't know what do, Teddy. I wanted to come back to you - I wanted to be there - but I couldn't. My mother...she almost DID kill me when I approached her and explained the lies...explained that I wanted to see you." Her tears were still falling, thick and fast. "She's my mother. In any disguise I tried she recognised me. If she passed me in the street with you...I'd get an angry owl afterwards. That's why she got the letters. I tried to write to you through them, but she refused to pass my messages on. I couldn't risk appearing like this...the way I used to always look. I..." she looked to the ground through tear-filled eyes, and wiped away the teartracks on her face with her hand. "I was a coward. I didn't want to be recognised. But on that street...when I met you as Dora...when I finally had a chance to talk to you...I realised just how cowardly I was. I've only been out of Azkaban for a year or so...but seeing you made me realise how much I had forsaken."

She looked around in front of her...beyond Teddy. There were a few people who had pointed her out to people around them. "Teddy," she said, pleading again. "I wouldn't have let the whole wizarding world know I wasn't dead for no reason. People hate those like me; like me and and your father. I've shown myself to people now, haven't I?" She then said in no more than a whisper, "Please, that's got to count for some little thing. Hasn't it?" As his hair turned the darkest black, hers became lank, and lifeless. The bright pink it had been, now no more than mousy brown. It hung down past her face, as if it was trying (and failing) to hide her tears from the world. She was broken. Her son was breaking her heart...one piece at a time.

When she apologised, her brown eyes, with pink puffy eyelids surrounding them, locked with his deep, fiery almost, red ones. It hurt her even more to see the anger in them... but what she saw after was worse. He was crying. Trying to stifle her own tears to see if she could dare comfort him, she then heard his mumblings, and saw him turn away once more.

"No...please, Teddy." She said, as urgently as she dared, the pleading tone refusing to leave her voice. "Please...don't turn away from me." She shook her head and cursed under her breath at herself. She had caused all this. She had been the one to leave him. he had every right to leave her now - let her feel what it must have been like. "I know I've not been there for you," she began, her voice constricted and sniffs and breaths punctuating her words. "And I wish you could know how much I wanted to be there. I spent all my nights in that God-forsaken place dreaming of seeing you again...of being back with you. It was the only thing that kept me going - it really was. And you have every right to walk away and never see me again. I wouldn't blame you if you did. I couldn't blame you." her heart was beating at a thousand beats a minute, but she had to say it. She had to carry on. She had to let him know how she felt. "Every night for the past few months, I've had nightmares about telling you who I really was, and when I got here today I thought I might not manage to. And even though this is the state I'm in, I don't regret it. Teddy...though I doubt you'll want to hear it, and I know you won't believe it - I love you, and that's never going to change."

She sat there, her tears falling faster than ever after this speech, and she looked up at his back. He probably wouldn't turn back...but she just hoped he'd listened. She turned her head to one side, and wiped the tears away again. Her life was falling apart. Again.

[beethoven]

but he didn't get far. again.
there was nothing in this world that he wanted more right now then to leave the crying, broken woman behind him wallowing in her own agony, in her mistakes. he wanted to kick things and rip things apart, all those useless words that spilled from her mouth, dry with the pain and the sorry and the hurt, the did nothing to teddy but make him want to hit her even more.
but the thought of it made his stomach drop and his lungs feel like caving in. his shoes, again, shushed the familiar grass underneath his feet, but everything that touched him made him grind his teeth and want to light it on fire or tear it apart.
he was drenched in the fire of hate, and the useless apologies that kept spewing from his mother's mouth were more like the gasoline than anything else. they failed to reach his heart but only made the fire burn hotter, burn brighter.
he swallowed the thick liquid that had formed in the back of his throat, the tears that tried to run down his face irritating him so he had to practically scrape them off with his sweatshirt sleeve to make him feel maybe a little better about the situation.

he looked back down at his shoes and then closed his eyes.
"are you done?" came in a furious mumble, his voice was strong and he didn't seem to be phased by his mother's emotions at all.
"can i go now?"

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[tonks]

As her son's words hit her ears, she closed her eyes and forced herself to stop crying - what was she showing him? She looked up, and flung the teartracks away with her hand. She was still almost gasping for breath, and she tried to calm her breathing down too. Eventually this worked, and she lifted herself from the ground, holding the family photo in her fingertips. She stood on shaky legs, and straightened her clothing up. "Yes, Teddy." She said, eventually. "I'm 'done'." Her voice was quiet and plain; no emotion, but the occasional waver. "And yes," her heart was breaking as she had to say it, "you can go now. That is all I had to say to you."

She stood there, emotionally shattered. She had to let him go.

[OOC: Sorry! It's so short - but I just didn't know what to write!!!]