Safe Again [Tag :: Ella]

[KISTIN THEODORE CROSS !]

[Continued from Running Up The Hill]

Kistin Cross[/b]
Now that you're right here,
In my arms where you should stay,
Hold tight, baby[/color]

Kistin Cross was running...well, apparating away. Normally he'd be loathed to do such a thing, but this time he was glad. Not for his own safety, but for the safety of the woman in his arms. Well, he called it a woman loosely. Ella Amelia Smith had been so badly treated by her captor, none other than Fenrir Greyback himself, that she was paler than Kistin was, and thinner than any human should be. Her hair was matted and tangled, and her entire body was covered in blood - her own, of course. She was the reason Kistin had entered a werewolf's territory, and had come back the worse for wear.

He apparated into the cave where he had first met Ella. He didn't think it wise to take her to the coven (half of them would see her as a tasty snack...that or hand her over to Voldemort), and he didn't know where her home was...and even if he had, could he had brought himself to take her there in the state she was in?

He walked slowly in, with her lifeless body in his arms, and sighed. This was going to be their home for a while, he thought. He now wished he had found himself a home, rather than staying in the coven...but it couldn't be helped now. Gently laying her on the cold, stone floor, he conjured some thick blankets, and a pillow, and laid them out as a bed. Laying her on them, he quickly used the Tergeo Charm to clean the blood and dirt from her body. He sat for a moment, hesitating, and then removed her torn clothes, averting his eyes as much as he could.

He laid her down gently on the makeshift bed, and covered her over with another blanket. He removed his long red coat and black shirt, and then proceeded to dress her. Sure, the coat left half of her calves bare, and the shirt only just covered her as a short nightdress would, but he would get her some proper clothes just as soon as she was capable of looking after herself again. Once he had dressed her, he laid her down once more, and decided to make a fire. He may have been a vampire, but she needed warmth, and as much as he hated light, she needed to have it to look healthy again.

Conjuring another blanket, this time for himself, he summoned some firewood, and using some skill, a small fire eventually blazed.

Now came the issue of food and drink. She would need it. He supposed he could always catch a bird or two that flew off the cliffs, but he knew he would have to go into Hogsmeade at some point. Drink was not such an issue. There was a nifty refilling charm he had used many a time on dates, and he could refill the small bottle of water he had, plenty of times if it came to it.

He shook his head, he could think about everything later. Ella needed him, and so she had to be his main priority. Food and the like could be dealt with later. He'd make sure she survived. He could do it...he hoped.

Looking at the state of her hair, he tried to untangle it as much as he could, using the Tergeo charm, again, as much as he could. Eventually it was somewhat better, but nowhere near as pretty as it had once been. She needed a lot of care and attention, and at the moment, Kistin was prepared to sit for an eternity by her side if he knew she'd wake up.

He sat down next to her, deliberately facing away from the fire, and saw a hand not completely covered. He looked at it for a moment, and then held on to it, gently, covering it up as much as he could. He had to be with her. He had to let her know he was there, and not some imaginary figment of her mind. He had to let her know he was real.

Night had come when he had visited Fenrir's old home, and it was starting to fade. Kistin shuddered as he realised that day would soon break. What would he do? He had to stay away from the sunlight, but he had to stay with Ella...

He conjured some black sheets and created a mini den around Ella. Hopefully they would be dark enough to allow him to stay there with no fear of the daybreak.

Then again; if Ella didn't wake up...he need not fear the daybreak again.

[ELLA AMELIA SMITH !]

Ella Smith
I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm Dying
Are the best I have ever had

Darkness equalled safety. The girl lay encased in her own thoughts. She always longed for this blissful darkness in her pain. Ella knew her way in life now, she had no idea how long she had been with Fenrir, and it felt like years had trickled by. Every moment she was awake was in darkness or pain. At first she had dreamed of Kistin, dreamed of his red coat she had seen him in the first time they had met. She had dared to dream of rescue, that he would notice she disappeared. However Fenrir had got in her head and made her realise how stupid that idea was. She was a muggleborn, target practice, lowest of the low. Why would anyone care about her? Physical pain soon became a distraction from the mental. But in the end it was all pain. Well pain and darkness, even when she was awake she was in darkness; the basement had been pitch-black whenever the trapdoor was closed. She had learned to dread the light. Now there was irony, she never really felt the hunger pains thanks to her regular sessions with Fenrir.

Now it was darkness, now she was in bliss, no one could hurt her there. No one was there, it was just her. Ella felt like she was sinking into its mighty abyss. She never wanted to leave it, this dark comfort blanket she had wrapped around herself.

The sun raised, the sun set, and it did this three more times after that. Four days went by in her dark world. Ella often had nightmares, she would turn, whimper but at no one. Behind her eyes she saw Fenrir, his gleaming dark eyes, his chuckle. She would physically shiver. Whenever she thought about leaving her world she felt the pain. Ella had completely forgotten herself. She wondered what she was doing, numbness was the cure, but she felt something had been over looked. Something kept her from completely sinking, something made her risk the pain, but then she would forget and sink back into numbness. Ella's real body in the cave shifted, actually shifted rather move in discomfort. Ella felt something in her hand, another hand? Her consciousness shied away from the contact, danger probably. Yet it felt right to be there. Ella then felt the darkness slipping and panicked. She tried to grab on to that and not what was ever in her hand. The darkness lifted and Ella's eyes flickered open to fire burning and someone at her side.

Ella's eyes widened with fear, her reaction was to back away, which she did, snatching her hand back, she now realised this man had been holding her hand. She looked at him in pure fear, she was waiting for pain, and pain she was sure that was coming. Her entire body tensed in anticipation of it. She then noticed something, she was in a cave, but also she was not wearing her rags. The coat was bright red. Her eyes were drawn to that, eyeing it on herself. Although as the other person moved her head snapped back up again fear in her eyes. The red coat looked and felt so familiar.

Death is easy
Life is Hard

[KISTIN THEODORE CROSS !]

Kistin Cross[/b]
Now that you're right here,
In my arms where you should stay,
Hold tight, baby[/color]

As the days passed by, Kistin's hope that Ella would wake up and end this nightmare of his dwindled. He had begun fairly hopefully, kidding himself that she would wake up...but it slowly dropped into a fear of losing her. Every few hours he would give her a sip or two of water, hoping it would be enough to bring her around...but she seemed almost to be fighting back - as if she darent wake up. Gradually he lost his belief and he sat there alone, just waiting for her heart to stop...waiting for his reason to keep living...to die.

Every night she whimpered...every night she shifted. And everytime she did so, he would hold her gently and "shhh" her until he was certain she was comfortable again. If he wasn't doing that, then he held a silent vigil by her side, holding her hand as if it was the only thing that mattered.

It was the fourth night that that changed. He had sat there as normal...until her eyes suddenly flicked open in fear. As her hand snapped away from him, he realised she was afraid...of him. He saw her tense...but then look at his coat. He looked at her, concerned, but understandingly...she didn't...didn't seem to know who he was. He moved slowly towards her, but her eyes snapped to him, that same fearful look in her eyes.

He dropped the blanket he had held around his shoulders, and stopped in his tracks. "Ella..." he said tentatively. "Ella, it's me. It's Kistin. I won't hurt you. Remember? Remember meeting here? The day the Slytherins got your clothes covered in ink?" He sat there, willing her to remember him, to remember that he cared for her...that he wouldn't hurt her.

After a while, he looked at her, and smiled gently. "I'm sorry, but I changed your clothes...well...rags. I couldn't bear seeing you like that...I didn't look, I promise. You can trust me....remember?"

[ELLA AMELIA SMITH !]

Ella Smith
I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm Dying
Are the best I have ever had

The softness of the coat was like a distant memory, one she remembered having but couldn’t actually remember it. The man before was close, what did he want, pain, hadn’t she suffered enough? Is that why she was pulled from the darkness. She noticed the blankets all round her. Who had put those there, she never had blankets. She looked at the man again, into his blue eyes... ice blue eyes. Like with the coat they seemed to so far yet familiar. Then he spoke, he spoke about remembering, ink? Slytherins? All words that seemed to spark in her head but come to nothing. She then started to see it, her walking here to escape some boys, meeting a man, this man, wait no, a vampire. She tensed, her mind not listening to sense, this vision in the back of her head. It was a different person, which was not her, it didn’t feel like her. She felt as if these memories were not her own. Or where they?

She sat in silence, every muscle in her body waiting for him to pounce, waiting for the pain she knew was to come. She still looked at him fearfully, her breathing deep with a bit of wheeze to it. When he spoke again she looked down again at the shirt she was wearing like a nighty. At first, fear flooded her, could she trust him? What had he really done? She started to shake a little with anticipation. She then smelt the coat, she caught a whiff. It smelled like freshly cut pine needles. Something sparked in her head. That smell, she remembered it, she had smelt it before. Before she had known about the darkness. She tried to put a face to it. She looked up at the one in front of her. He seemed to be waiting for her, still shaking, Ella reached out attentively. She placed it on the side of his face, looking into his eyes. She caught the same fresh smell from him. She tried to remember, but she was having difficulties. She knew him, he was Kistin, but it felt like someone else knew him, not her. She longed for the darkness; it was so much simpler in there, only her, a numb free world to drift in.

Ella kept her hand there for a minute, silently looking at him with fearful, yet searching eyes. Until eventually she whispered in her weakened voice "Kistin". She let her hand drop. She had been leaning forward to touch him and so now lent back. She then remembered, and this time properly. Kistin was a Vampire, a person she trusted, the person who had stopped her form sinking completely away from the world. She looked at him disbelievingly, the fear ebbing away as realisation hit her. However then she recoiled, she could never trust her sight, it played tricks on her. Was this real or just a means to make her hurt more. She then whispered so quietly, no one would have normally heard her, but he was Vampire, he would hear." Is this real" Ella could not believe her nightmares would end just like that, knights in shining armour don’t exist.

Death is easy
Life is Hard

[KISTIN THEODORE CROSS !]

She looked dazed...confused. He sat there, daring not to interrupt her train of thought in case he destroyed anything. Instead he sat there silently as her moved from the coat...to the blankets...to his own eyes. He sat there, hoping that something in her head would click; that he was not another person who wanted to injure her, and that he cared for her more than anyone.

He moved slightly as he spoke, and saw her frightened, querying gaze look to his clothes. He just had to hope that something had clicked - that she wouldn't think he was some rapist or something. After a moment, he saw her reach out, and he moved his arm slowly towards hers. Did this mean she was alright? Her memory was okay?

She reached further forward, and as he went to link his hand with hers, hers diverted and he felt it on his cheek. He put his hand back down, and smiled gently at her; uncertain of what to say. What could he? She had been hurt...badly, and not just physically by the looks of it. Slowly, he moved his hand on to hers. He made sure she saw every single move he made. he didn't want to frighten her - she looked scared enough as it was.

His eyes never moved from hers. He had always said his eyes betrayed every emotion, and for once he was glad of that fact. They showed compassion, worry, love, hope and a slight hint of fear - not of her...but for her. He heard her say his name and he smiled gently. "That's me." He said, a breathy laugh escaping him. But as he felt her hand move, his released as quickly as it could. She was going to be in control again; she was going to have the freedom she had been restrained from for the past month. That was something Kistin was determined of.

Something had hit home as she had leant back. He could see it. Fear was no longer written across her face, it was amazement and disbelief instead...but she seemed to hide herself back in her shell...as if she was still afraid...but no longer of him. He looked at her, the brief moment of relief fading into concern once more He was suddenly grateful for his sensitive hearing, for he doubted he would have heard otherwise. He smiled understandingly, and slowly moved towards her, placing his arm around her gently. "It's completely real." He said, quietly. "You probably won't remember most of it. I...I found Fenrir...at his cottage. He had hidden you. To cut a long story short...he managed to strap me up with chains...and then..." Kistin physically shuddered as the thoughts played out in his mind. "...then he brought you out and...and..." he found a lump in his throat. "...He poisoned you. But he made the mistake of letting me go...and...and I brought you here." He stopped, and found that he was on the brink of tears. Fenrir's harsh words still played on his mind. He blinked back the drops that threatened to fall and looked at her.

"You're not dreaming...this is real." He said, finally. "I'm just so...so sorry I couldn't have got to you earlier..." It was out...his apology...the thing that had played on his mind since he left the platform almost a month ago, had finally been said. He looked at the floor and then at Ella. "I promised I'd save you...and I did...but I'm so sorry it took me so long..."

[ELLA AMELIA SMITH !]

Ella Smith
I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm Dying
Are the best I have ever had

This was Kistin, her reason for living. She remembered now, the feeling inside her was starting to swell, to fill the gap it had been evicted from by Fenrir. She sat her breathing shallow and unsteady. She was as pale as him. She just sat watching him with fearing eyes daring this to all be true. She didn't know if she had the courage anymore to get her hopes up, to trust this image her eyes was giving her. She watched him move slowly closer, she tried to relax herself. But even though her mid had now accepted that whether this be a dream or real, this was Kistin, it did not stop her from flinching and tensing as he touched her. As he placed the arm around her, she couldn't relax, her entire body wired like a taut rope, tense, expecting pain. She stared ahead of herself rather than at him as he began to speak. The words barely made sense to her. However ever so slowly they sunk in. She suddenly flinched as though she had just been hit as her memories swam before her eyes. Pain replying her mind as though it was happening all over again. He needed her pain, that’s all he ever wanted, her pain, her blood, her scream when she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She curled up, wrapping her arms around her knees which were tight to her chest. Her body trembling as Kistin's words brought the pain on; she glanced at him, and then noticed his tears. Her breathing was quicker.

For some reason his tears seem to being her a different pain, something other than she had already endured. The knowledge that it was her fault he was in pain too. It was one thing for her to suffer, but she had made him suffer. This realisation hit her hard. She looked into her knees. She was a good for nothing Mudblood; she remembered Kistin well now as the pain had flooded her body at the memories of the real pain, so the memories that had kept her going through that time had come back to her in full. They weren’t someone else's memories they were her own. And this one person who had shown her kindness she had hurt. She looked at him again, he was now saying sorry, why? He had done nothing but be kind to her, and rescue her. He had fought the physical daemon, now she was failing her fight against the mental one. This was so confusing her mind was a blur of pain, disbelieve, mistrust, but also somewhere in there her love for him, and now the pain in the knowledge knowing that she had hurt that love.

Suddenly Ella lent on him, she still had her arms wrapped around her knees which were tucked to her chest. But she had over the pass of time while he talked also relaxed a bit more the initial tenseness has ebbed away as her body slowly accepted that the touch was not going to hurt. That was when she looked up at him her dead eyes looking at him " Why do you care?" Why did he care for her? Her mind could not comprehend why he would care for her, she was small and insignificant, and Fenrir had drummed that into her. Could he not see that all his pain could be traced back to her, she was nothing but a burden to him.

Death is easy
Life is Hard

[KISTIN THEODORE CROSS !]

Kistin saw her pale face, with her eyes full of fear; and he felt a shame building deep from within. He had let her stay in…that thing’s ‘home’ for far too long. He had promised to protect her…but he had been too late. He was looking at her sorrowfully…trying to hide the self blame deep within.

As he touched her hand, he felt her body tense. For a moment he drew back, looking at her with worried eyes. “I don’t have to touch you, Ella.” He said, softly, “I don’t have to. You’re in control, okay?” He looked at her, trying to prove the sincerity of his words. “If you don’t want me to do something, tell me. Okay?” Slowly he reached back out and touched her hand once more.

When he told her of the rescue, he saw her flinch and pull her knees closer. His arm moved slowly around to her shoulders in comfort. Her whole body was trembling and Kistin felt helpless. He had to calm her down…

However, when he had finished talking, he himself was not alright. Forcing the tears away, he spotted Ella glancing over at him. She seemed to withdraw even more, and he dared not think of what she was feeling. He apologised for not rescuing her sooner, and she seemed almost irresponsive – trapped in her own mind. He held her shoulder gently; she seemed unsteady, and he wasn’t going to let her get injured anymore.

Suddenly he found her leaning against his body. She, of course, was wearing his shirt and jacket, so he shuddered to think how cold (and pale) his torso must have been to her…but instinct took over. His other arm held her now, too, so they now seemed to be in an odd, sideward hug. He looked down at her, when he saw her look back at him. Her eyes seemed lifeless and dead and it made his self-hatred even more destructive. However, he had not expected such a large question. He looked at her, and gently moved his hand to her face. His eyes never moving from hers, he began his reply. “Why do I care? Because, Ella Smith, you are a strong woman with a wicked, truly wicked, sense of humour. You are the only human who has given me a full dental inspection on meeting me, and hasn’t run away in fear afterwards!” He smiled, remembering the very first day they met. “Your sarcasm is on par with my own, and you don’t mind when I’m an egotistical git – your put-down’s are immaculate.” He laughed gently. “And Ella…” he began, his voice losing the humour and gaining a sense of seriousness and solemnity. “…I can’t forget that you are one of a group who are despised – yet you have more love and determination than any of those ‘purebloods’ out there, and more importantly than even that…” he paused, looking at her tenderly (something that occurred less frequently than a blue moon) “…I love you, Ella.”

Stopping for breath, he looked at her and smiled faintly. “That’s why I care. Are those reasons enough…or would you like me to continue? There are plenty more, I can assure you.” He said, quietly.

[ELLA AMELIA SMITH !]

Ella Smith
I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm Dying
Are the best I have ever had

Ella barely noticed the fact Kistin was ice cold to touch, she was cold herself. Her limbs where warmed by the fire's harsh light, but inside she still felt icy cold. She kept her eyes downcast and low as Kistin spoke of touching her, about her having control. Control? How could she be in control, she was never in control. However after her body had gotten used to the idea that this physical contact was not trying to hurt her, her muscles relaxed into his touch. Her mind was accepting this person was the reason for her still being alive, but the new pain was now flooding her senses as his pain became more and more obvious.

She had hurt him, the one person who had noticed she was gone probably and she had hurt him. She was truly worthless, in some ways she was the true vampire here, leaching away his life from him. Had they never met he would fine, living his life happily without her, she would be a slave to Fenrir but he wouldn't mind nor care as Ella would not have infected him with her existence. When he starting answering her question she just sat there listening. None of the words he was saying fit through. She wasn’t that person anymore, she was a weakling who had hurt him, it was all she could think about, that horrible fact that his pain was her fault. When he said the words 'I love you' they warmed her heart a spark in the ice cold centre of her being. She gazed with dead eyes in front of her as he asked if he had said enough. Ella let the pause drag out, enveloping them both in silence as her brain chewed over that which had been said.

Ella then spoke, her voice weak and unused " I think that person died". She then pulled out of their strange side wise hug and shifted herself and was on her knees in front of him. She then gazed at him with her flat lifeless look. She brought a trembling hand to his face, cupping his cheek, trembling from her lack of energy and life within herself. The smooth touch of his chin under her fingers as the brushed over the soft skin like butterfly wings and then she brought them back up again to rest on his cheek " you shouldn't love me. All I have done is hurt you" and within her gaze flicked an apologetic look. Some part of her wanting to make his pain go away by disappearing from his life, another wanting to go back into the darkness and leave the stresses of this world behind and the other selfishly wanted to keep him, to be with him despite the pain she could so obviously see in his face.

Death is easy
Life is Hard

[KISTIN THEODORE CROSS !]

Kistin Cross[/b]
In moments of doubt you may say it aloud,
"I'm nobody special, a face in the crowd"...

As she leaned on him, Kistin's eyes never once diverted from Ella, despite her downwards gaze. He had to make sure she was alright - and he could only do that if he could see her...physically touch her. He had thought she'd be okay before without his watchful gaze...and look where she had ended up. In some dingy, dilapidated old house with a disgusting wolf with a habit of killing small children (and now, he found out, torturing older ones). No, Kistin was not about to make the same mistake again.

She was relaxing more, but the thoughts running through his head were making it harder and harder for Kistin to hide the loathing he felt for himself. He had let this happen to her, and he had let her down. As she asked her question, and he replied as earnestly as was humanely vampirically possible...he noticed that she didn't respond to his words, and it began to concern him more and more as he spoke.

When he finished, he saw her look at nothing in particular and his heart began to sink, as the pause lengthened and lengthened. Had his Ella truly disappeared? Her reply did nothing to lift his spirits, and when she broke their hug apart, he looked at her with his ice-blue eyes. He went to reply, but then saw her gazing at him, and felt her hand - as cold as his - on his face. He looked at her, concern in his eyes. Her hand was shaking, and he wanted to tell her to conserve her energy, but a part of him wanted her to hold it there - hoping that this was the first part of her recovery - back to the Ella he loved. But her next words made his concern grow and he looked at her with both concern and pain in his eyes. But this pain was not from his own self-loathing. This pain was from her words, and each of them cut like a newly-sharpened knife.

Impulsively, Kistin placed his own hand on her cheek and looked her straight in the eye. "That person didn't die, Ella." He said, softly but strongly. "I know that that person didn't die. Because I know that deep inside she is hiding. She has been hurt and abused and broken down so often that she's afraid to come out. I know she is, Ella. Because I know that she wouldn't let herself face the future with no hope. I know she's there. We just have to coax her into coming back out. That's all." he said, not knowing where this sudden inner strength had arisen from. "And of course I should love you. You're more hurt than I am - just look at you." He said, his eyes imploring her to find the truth in his words. After all, he was only covered in minor cuts and grazes "And Ella, I've hurt you in the past...remember..." he took a breath as he remembered the incident, "...remember when I almost bit you? I suppose that we're as bad as each other. So, please, Ella...let me make the decision of whether I should love you or not...because no-one ever really sees what they're worth."

At this, he withdrew his hand, and instead, wrapped his arms around her. He would be the strength she lacked...even if he himself didn't know where the energy was coming from.

But you've one added extra required of a star...
You're the last one to know how important you are.

[/color]

[ELLA AMELIA SMITH !]

Her mind was confused and did not have the energy to sort itself out. A part of her wanted to run and hide still, fearing that light and the troubles in was bringing, it wanted to curl up into the darkness and let that blistful numbness take her away. Another part was scared, terrified she was in nothing but a large shirt that could become a dress for her, it was big enough and a coat. This part forgot about the numbness but was mistrusting of everything. This part didn't trust the being before her or any other, they all wanted to hurt her. There was another part that accepted that for now this man was not hurting her but still refused to trust, that he was not a threat yet. Then there was a the last part the part of her that knew who this man was, that had the glimmers of memory of him within it. A part that remember the moments of sercurity this man held and longed for them again. This part was shouting in a room already full of voices. It was struggleing to get through.

unfinished